As every person I have my downfalls. I am by no means perfect. I do my best to be the best that I can but at times it is definately hard. I have things I look back and wish man I really wish I wouldn't have done. There are things that I wish I would have stuck with longer, things that I would have learned sooner, things that I would have accomplished but that is all in the past. I do my best to live in the present but there are days that I float back to memory lane and it breaks my heart. It is hard to think man if I didn't do that I could do this now, or man if I didn't spend my money back then so foolishly I would be able to afford this. I know that I shouldn't do this but who can honestly say they never do this?
Something else that I definately have problems with lately is what others think of me. I let others critiques of me really get to me, to the point that I let it break me down and I start to believe that hey I really might be that horrible. I know I am not horrible but when you constantly are being put down and all you do is try, it starts to wear on you. Because I like to plan that makes me controlling, because I love that means I cross the line, because I don't take any disrespect it means I am crossing boundries that are not ment to be crossed.
I can honestly say that things in my life didn't turn out at all as I planned, honestly though who's life has turned out exactly the way the planned? Most days I love my life and those that are in it but there are days that I struggle. I realize that everything in my past has gotten me to my present and everything in the present is getting me to my future. It is hard to sit back and take a deep breath when it is needed. I will admit I am an emotional person and they get the best of me most of the time. I let words hurt me, I let actions break me down and most of all I believe everything that is said about me. Words hurt, who ever said they didn't are complete liars. I wish at times I were thicker skinned but at the same time I love the fact that I can wear my heart on my sleeve.
I can only imagine where I will go from here with all that I have learned, all that I am learning, and everything still left that I have to learn. Here's to the past that got me to my present, here's to living everyday to the fullest to get to my future. Here's to the future that I hope is better than I imagine.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
25 years later and here I am
After 21 there are not to many birthdays to look forward to, however, I really looked forward to my 25th birthday. I felt that 25 is not only a great number but you are a 1/4 of a decade old. To me this was a BIG deal to have made it this far!
I really put a big hype on this birthday and looking back I put pressure on Jamie which was so unfair. I was hoping for a big birthday party to celebrate this milestone. I regret putting so much pressure to have a big birthday. He did a fabulous job and while it wasn't what I originally wanted, I wouldn't change a thing about my birthday!
Friday (2 days until my birthday) He suprised me with a little get together dinner with one of my best friends Ashley her husband Troy their little ones, some more friends Josh and Day and their son and of course my little family of 5. It was perfect to say the least. We had dinner at a great mexican restraunt. Saturday I had to go to some school stuff unfortunately but I was able to be done early enough that I grabbed dinner with Jamie and the kids then went bowling which was so much fun! Pictures soon to come! After bowling I went out with Ashley and Crystal (who's birthday was the 24! Happy birthday girl!) and enjoyed some girl/mommy time over some margaritas. I woke up Sunday to a fabulous breakfast of doughnuts, yes I said it doughnuts people they are one of my favorites! After a quick shower we headed out to the exploration place for Jamie's work event (my thought was free fun!) and then headed to dinner with the entire family both sides!
Overall needless to say I should not have put so much stress on my birthday becasue in the end it turned out perfect. I learned so much this past couple of years about who I am and who I want in my life. I am thankful to have such a strong man who doesn't stand in front of or behind me, he stands next to me and helps me through the everyday struggles of life, he reminds me to smile and love unconditionally. I have three wonderful children who are the light of my life. Paco definately keeps me on my toes, Hailey is a little ray of sunshine and Maddison, well that girl is a little spit fire ball whom I love to pieces. I am thankful for the amazing family I am blessed with. Even though my friendship status has been rocky the past couple of years, I have found some fabulous women that I have so much in common with and support me in everything.
I am thankful for the life that I have. Honestly there isn't a thing I would change.
Thank you to those of you who wished me a good birthday and thanks to those of you who helped me celebrate my 25th birthday, you are my world and I love you all!
X.o. Nikki
I really put a big hype on this birthday and looking back I put pressure on Jamie which was so unfair. I was hoping for a big birthday party to celebrate this milestone. I regret putting so much pressure to have a big birthday. He did a fabulous job and while it wasn't what I originally wanted, I wouldn't change a thing about my birthday!
Friday (2 days until my birthday) He suprised me with a little get together dinner with one of my best friends Ashley her husband Troy their little ones, some more friends Josh and Day and their son and of course my little family of 5. It was perfect to say the least. We had dinner at a great mexican restraunt. Saturday I had to go to some school stuff unfortunately but I was able to be done early enough that I grabbed dinner with Jamie and the kids then went bowling which was so much fun! Pictures soon to come! After bowling I went out with Ashley and Crystal (who's birthday was the 24! Happy birthday girl!) and enjoyed some girl/mommy time over some margaritas. I woke up Sunday to a fabulous breakfast of doughnuts, yes I said it doughnuts people they are one of my favorites! After a quick shower we headed out to the exploration place for Jamie's work event (my thought was free fun!) and then headed to dinner with the entire family both sides!
Overall needless to say I should not have put so much stress on my birthday becasue in the end it turned out perfect. I learned so much this past couple of years about who I am and who I want in my life. I am thankful to have such a strong man who doesn't stand in front of or behind me, he stands next to me and helps me through the everyday struggles of life, he reminds me to smile and love unconditionally. I have three wonderful children who are the light of my life. Paco definately keeps me on my toes, Hailey is a little ray of sunshine and Maddison, well that girl is a little spit fire ball whom I love to pieces. I am thankful for the amazing family I am blessed with. Even though my friendship status has been rocky the past couple of years, I have found some fabulous women that I have so much in common with and support me in everything.
I am thankful for the life that I have. Honestly there isn't a thing I would change.
Thank you to those of you who wished me a good birthday and thanks to those of you who helped me celebrate my 25th birthday, you are my world and I love you all!
X.o. Nikki
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
