Words, they really do hurt

As every person I have my downfalls. I am by no means perfect. I do my best to be the best that I can but at times it is definately hard. I have things I look back and wish man I really wish I wouldn't have done. There are things that I wish I would have stuck with longer, things that I would have learned sooner, things that I would have accomplished but that is all in the past. I do my best to live in the present but there are days that I float back to memory lane and it breaks my heart. It is hard to think man if I didn't do that I could do this now, or man if I didn't spend my money back then so foolishly I would be able to afford this. I know that I shouldn't do this but who can honestly say they never do this?

Something else that I definately have problems with lately is what others think of me. I let others critiques of me really get to me, to the point that I let it break me down and I start to believe that hey I really might be that horrible. I know I am not horrible but when you constantly are being put down and all you do is try, it starts to wear on you. Because I like to plan that makes me controlling, because I love that means I cross the line, because I don't take any disrespect it means I am crossing boundries that are not ment to be crossed.

I can honestly say that things in my life didn't turn out at all as I planned, honestly though who's life has turned out exactly the way the planned? Most days I love my life and those that are in it but there are days that I struggle. I realize that everything in my past has gotten me to my present and everything in the present is getting me to my future. It is hard to sit back and take a deep breath when it is needed. I will admit I am an emotional person and they get the best of me most of the time. I let words hurt me, I let actions break me down and most of all I believe everything that is said about me. Words hurt, who ever said they didn't are complete liars. I wish at times I were thicker skinned but at the same time I love the fact that I can wear my heart on my sleeve.

I can only imagine where I will go from here with all that I have learned, all that I am learning, and everything still left that I have to learn. Here's to the past that got me to my present, here's to living everyday to the fullest to get to my future. Here's to the future that I hope is better than I imagine.